Damn...

Mr. Snuffleupagus just fell off the wall! Oh Aloysius, why won't you stick? It wasn't I that said you jumped the shark...

Suck It!!

Hello Houston? Um, er, uh, hold please...

Well... I am trying. I made plans with a couple of friendly acquaintances, they used to be neighbors, but they had to bail last minute. I then went out tonight to support another friendly acquaintance who was having a charity affair for breast cancer. One woman I dated was there (who I still have the hots for) and another who is a friend of hers. There was live music. I had a couple of Blue Moons with a slice of orange. It was nice. At the end, I got the cold shoulder, big time! I told the gal I used to date that she looked as gorgeous as ever and if she ever wanted to get together, give me a ring. I held my hand out to hold/shake hers, she wouldn't even put out her hand... Brrr. Ah well, fuck her. Who needs that, right?. So I hopped on the Harley and rode back to the hood. Stopped off at a local fill station, had another BM (ha, not that kind of BM!), sang a song for the karaoke machine and headed home. Now I'm home, buzzed, listening to Floyd and writing this garbage. All in all, an interesting night I suppose.

I have been doing my best to not feel angry or rejected or bummed out. I'd say I'm fair to midland. That's all for now. Over and out.

Remember when you were you were young? Shine on...

Sorry sir, we have a strict No Return policy...

Welp, this is it. I have come to realize and accept that I...am damaged goods. Change is a regularity of life. Some people stay exactly the same, but most go through different, sometimes several, and profound changes. I have definitely changed, learned, grown and evolved many, many times. The latest, I do not believe is for the better.

A few years ago I was in a down cycle. It happens. But I got through it on a solid upswing. I had grown weary of dating in this town and so resigned myself to myself, focusing on my art, my physical, mental and emotional health. Things were pretty darn good for a long while. Then, after Papa got sick and died, I met the Dr. at the airport coming home. What I thought would be a lifelong relationship, turned out not to be. It ended in May, badly, and really ended in July. In August I began a healing journey. I eliminated all gluten, all yeast, all dairy and all sugar from my diet. I was on a steady exercise regimen and had lost about 20 pounds. Things were great.

At the end of January, my bike went down and is still in pieces, my car broke down several times and finances grew dismal. I have turned more inward, and as of late, have become very lazy, reclusive, unmotivated and succumbed yet again to my deeply seeded emotional issues with food. I am much less tolerant, more angry, have ever increasing difficulty suppressing rage and ultimate despair and have regained weight. I have not been on a single date, let alone so much as embraced a woman, in almost 9 months. I feel as though I cannot really talk to my best friend as they stopped contacting me at one point because they felt I was too heavy and negative all the time, and the next closest friend of 10 years just cursed me out, swore me off and ended our relationship because I have apparently become a complete bastard.

I have been alone for the better part of my life thus far and have gotten on quite well. Only now am I dealing with feelings of loneliness for the first time. It's quite a conundrum really. I long for friendship and companionship and yet I am not suitable for anything as such. And the punchline: that it is, of course, my choice. I am ultimately choosing this state of being. And thus the question becomes not can I change (of course I can) but rather, will I make it happen...

It is often said that your 20's suck and life really begins at 30. I experienced more in my 20's than many only ever dream about their entire lives. Although I realize where the correct path lies, my eyes are fixed on the rear view mirror.

Krazy idea...

If only there was a glue to fix broken people...

'09 Tally

The new year's first month is officially over! So how does 2009 add up so far?

The Ugly: The marinated tofu I left in the fridge 2 weeks too long

The Bad: My bike is in the shop, my car broke down on the 405 during rush hour and will have to be retired in March, I have all but depleted my savings, I took a spill and bruised (possibly cracked) my ribs.

The Good: I will get my bike back before I have to retire my car, I am still breathing, I had a savings to deplete and I am working.

How's by you?

What's next?...

So what do you give to the first black American President who gave his inaugural speech at the capital that was built by slaves? Why, a Chia head in his likeness of course! Oh boy...

A daliance of Dali...

I have now bore witness to 7 different American Presidents in my life thus far. As never before, this is a very surreal experience. With other Executives-in-Chief who have taken office, they came in, took office, and they were our President(With the exception of G W's first 2 months having been spent on his ranch). While viewing and watching a barrage of various photos and videos of Obama in office, performing his Presidential duties, it just feels, odd...again for lack of another word, surreal.

At times, I am frightened to the brink of tears wondering what's to become of me...what I should do with myself.

Foot Fetish

Fuel for travel to Iraq on Air Force One:
43,787.55 American Taxpayer Dollars

Blue-Grey Oxxford suit for fairwell speech:
14,000 American Taxpayer Dollars

1 pair of leather Iraqi loafers:
41,416.55 Dinars (about 35$)

The look on W's face: Priceless